I think I found my perspective this weekend, thanks to some R&R with friends, and a long conversation with my hubby.
I realized that I can only make decisions based on what I think will happen after Elliott is born. I don't know what will happen (yikes!), never having experienced child birth, motherhood, or working full-time post delivery. I can only ask questions from those people I trust, think things through to the best of my ability, talk them over with my hubby, and then make the best decision all things considered.
I was getting so worried about making the wrong choices, and about everything being so difficult, and unfair (I am still now totally over this one) that I forgot about human limitations. I need to trust my choices (each of us has to make our own, they are all based on different factors (all equally important to that person)), and I need to know that whatever I/we decide is the best choice for that time. No guilt.
Phew, I feel a lot better about myself. My expectations are back in line, and I don't feel resentful towards hubby anymore. Its amazing how I can work myself into a frenzy.
In this post I also wanted to list things that I am feeling now that I am officially in the 7th month, at the start of the third trimester. I talk with a lot of Mommy's who forget about how it felt to be pregnant, and I want to remember (even if that means referring back to what I wrote to jog my peon and apparently shrinking brain).
1. I feel pregnant! My belly is getting larger by the day it seems. My abdomen aches, and I can feel it growing, stretching, and starting to itch.
2. I have round ligament pain. I didn't realize what this was, when my friend asked if I was experiencing it, so I said no. But, after my last Dr. appt. I asked why my groin muscles were aching like crazy for going on 4 weeks. Now, I know.
3. Standing or walking for long periods is becoming more challenging, and painful. My back hurts at the end of the day, but is manageable for now.
4. I get tired more easily, even while I am exerting less effort.
5. I don't get up in the middle of the night as often to pee, but I have to pee all day long (like 20 times a day).
6. I am frantic about nesting. Everything is 'dirty', the room isn't 'ready', and I haven't read enough about parenting, birth, or whatever decision I am struggling to make.
7. It is difficult to get up from a seated position.
8. I am THIRSTY!
9. Clothes are uncomfortable, but being naked with my round, plump body is worse! LOL.
10. I am excited about the birth of our son, and vacillate between wanting him to get here faster and having major anxiety about his eminent arrival.