I have heard from several Mom’s who have multiple children (that is more than one child, not twins) that they did their worst parenting while they were pregnant. And then I heard that the Duggar’s are expecting their 19th child as well as their 1st grandchild.
I wonder sometimes why I can’t do it all, why I feel so overwhelmed. And then I feel guilty because I can’t seem to hold it together. I lose my temper so easily. And then that leads me into wondering if I am trying hard enough to be a good person (insert wife, mom, friend as needed). Am I weak? Am I a slacker, a cop-out? I become riddled with guilt if I allow my son to watch a video because I am just to exhausted to explain to him (over and over until a meltdown ensues) about why we limit TV time. I spend the entire day beating myself up for being short with my hubby. I curse my lack of self control when I eat yet another cookie instead of an apple. It reminds me why I don’t ask for help more often. I suck at being vulnerable.
And in the next breath, I am happy again with myself. I am forgiven. I feel like in any given day I do accomplish a lot. I am a good parent. I remind myself that my son is joyful, polite, clean, and kind. I am a good wife and caring friend. My house is clean and organized. Our bills are paid. Everyone’s doctor and dental visits are scheduled and attended. Baby #2 is growing, kicking like a pro-soccer player and healthy. I forgive myself for allowing my raging hormones to get the best the of me. I visit my due date calculator as affirmation that this emotional struggle won't last forever, there is an end in sight.
And then something else happens to set the roller coaster in motion again. Wee, off we go again.