Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away I had a problem with anger. I would get angry quick and unexpectedly. I would often over react and yell; many times saying things i regretted or didn't mean. Yes, I know you are thinking that everyone does this occasionally. And, yes, I agree. But, it would happen to me frequently and the rage associated with it was so unexpected that I deemed it a problem.
I put an end to a few bad relationships, reassessed my self-worth and finished college. After college I sought to eliminate the anger. I bought a book about anger management and realized that anger was a secondary emotion. It was the reaction to feelings about something else. Hmm, for me, at the time, that was enlightening. I also determined that I had what was called sudden anger. I learned some techniques, including blogging as a way to share my feelings and sort out my thoughts. The anger subsided, and I became a calmer, happier person.
However, in the last few months it seems that the anger has crept back into my life. My once rational, calm, reasonable demeanor is now short tempered, hot headed and worse yet...irrational. Arrgghhh.
I have been thinking and analyzing the reasons for my feelings and the cause of my anger. I have come up with this. And like it or not, these are my feelings.
Most of the anger i have been feeling is towards my children. In particular my older child. He is a good, kind kid. But, I realized that I was taking him to seriously. Especially when he would tell me no, or say he didn't like me, or just outright disobey something I asked him. Uh, hello, he is a 2 year old. Of course he is going to test his boundaries and limits. Especially with his new found confidence from swim lessons.
The thing that made me the most angry was when he would take a toy away from his younger brother or try to hurt him. I soon realized that the reason this made me so angry was because I was erroneously thinking he was doing it maliciously or on purpose. Of course, he is not even 3 years old and doesn't yet have the ability to be mean like that. Once I was able to wrap my head around that, I stopped reacting so over the top.
I am glad that I took the time to look deeper into my actions and feelings and find a way to communicate with my children in a more effective and productive manner.
2 comments:
I can very much relate. I have had to step back and realize that Sophie is not being mean when she tells me no. But for some reason, it was tough to do that. I've also wondered if I sometimes have too high expectations of her and her actions. Again, I have to remember she's only 2 and I need to lighten up. I think expectations are good. But there's a fine line between being tough and realistic. I guess we just keep learning as we go! Hopefully we haven't ruined them!
Mh, well, ok, maybe it's not meant to be mean, but it's annoying nonetheless, and YOUR kids are only 2...
What about a 13 year old!??! Arrrgh!
;-)
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