39 weeks 3 days

Nothing yet. The baby is doing awesome, plenty of fluid, good heartbeats and fetal movement, still at 2 cm, 80% effaced, he is weighing in at 7-7 3/4 lbs.  And with all of the digestive clearing I lost 3 pounds since last week.  She also wrote me a RX for lidocaine for my hemorrhoids--yippee!!!

She swept my membranes again which while uncomfortable was not nearly as painful as the first time. And there wasn't any cramping this go round.

His head isn't engaged which isn't ideal as that was part of the problem with Elliott, but she thought labor would fix that. She will let me go to 41 weeks and then suggests breaking my water so that I don't end up in OB care (42 wks) where they give pitocin straightaway...and with pitocin the risk of uterine rupture for VBAC candidates increases from one to four percent.

More waiting. I hope the kid holds off till Friday now that we are so close to Thanksgiving as I have a yummy dinner planned.

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Nothing to report

39 weeks and 3 days tomorrow. 8am Non-stress test and Midwife appt. tomorrow.

Nothing new to report. Pressure, heaviness, light cramps, more digestive track emptying, the bloody show is more like mucous again and of course hemi's... The sucky part of all of this is that my lady parts are sore and I haven't even pushed a kid out yet. Epidural please!

Do I get my membranes swept again tomorrow or just let nature take its course?

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Please dont ask, there is nothing to report

Nope, nothing to report.  More show.  No Contractions.  No broken water bag.  Pelvic pressure, fatigue, irritation.  But no baby.

We are trying to enjoy our family of  3 during these last few hours or days.  All of my commitments and obligations have been fulfilled.  There is nothing left but to welcome this baby into the world.  I even got a good night of sleep last in preparation.

I promise to text everyone when it happens.  And, I am updating the blog regularly with details.

It was a movie kind of night

I skipped the social part of the evening last night, and ended up meeting everyone at the movie theatre.  I was nervous the whole time thinking my water was going to break.  But, alas nothing happened and the movie was enjoyable.  I didn't get home until after 1am and Elliott wakes at 5:30am so I am tired.  

The hubby and Elliott are at Sea World for some last minute one on one time.  I was glad to have them leave the house, but envious that I couldn't join them.  So, here I am -- home alone for what will likely be the last time for a while.  And all I can think to do is walk around the house in circles moving things from one place to another.  

I hate the waiting game.  More bloody show this morning, more digestive track clearing, more pelvic pressure and BH,  But, no contractions and no amniotic fluid.  I am stuck between wanting to just carry on with my life and go grocery shopping and the like.  Or just sit on the couch with my heating pad and do as little as possible.  I don’t want my water to break while I am shopping  or at the park with the kiddo…that would be super embarrassing….but I feel unproductive not doing anything.  And then inversely I am tired, and I know what lies ahead as far as work and sleeplessness so I think I should rest…but resting isn't helping the labor come on any faster.  It’s a vicious mental cycle.  ARRRGGHHH.

What did you do?  What would you do?

Am I having a baby or going to the movies tonight...?

No contractions yet.  My bag of water is still in tact.  But more bloody show and some crazy pelvic pressure right along with it.  My lower back is sore and I have been sitting on a heating pad all day.  My appetite ranges from feeling nauseated to feeling intermittently hungry.  The baby is moving around like normal.  And I am having BH with regularity.  The midwife said to expect my labor to start in 24-48 hours.  So, the irritating, anxious waiting game begins.

Now the only question is do I still go see the New Moon movie tonight at 10pm or not?  The evenings events begin at 6pm with appetizers and wine, then a showing of Twilight, then off to the movie at 10pm.  It might take my mind off the fact that I will be going into labor soon.  Or, I might die of embarrassment if my water breaks during any of these events.

Not to sound crazy or anything, but I have been saying for a while now that this baby will come right after I see the New Moon movie.  So, maybe seeing the movie is just the thing I need to get labor started...?

The beginning of the end

This morning around 7am I lost my entire mucous plug.  This is TMI for even me, but it was huge and red and liver-like.  I took a photo just so I would remember what it looked like. 

When I lost my mucous plug with Elliott it also happened in the early AM.  So, just to be prepared I took a shower and shaved all areas, washed my hair and lotioned up.  I asked the hubby to stay home, but he needed to go into work and finish up some things.  Plus, he wants to wait for more substantial evidence of labor starting.

It is now 8:30am and my digestive track is starting to clear itself out.  What a relief both physically and mentally.

All signs are pointing towards labor starting today.  If this labor is at all similar to my first I should be starting light, easy contractions any time now.  In 1000 ways I hope it is very different.  I will keep you posted!

Alternately, I am trying to enjoy the last days with my first born son--with it just being him and I.  He has had a fever for a few days and a decreased appetitie.  Today he seems in good spirits and is very loving--telling me often that he loves me followed by a big hug.  

38 weeks 3 days

Now that I am officially 'old' according to maternal medicine, I had to take my first Non-stress tests today.  The test itself was rather relaxing-sitting in a huge comfy recliner chair, listening to my son's heartbeat for 20 plus minutes and seeing the monitor pick up on his movements and increased heart rate.  The results were normal--he is moving and responding perfectly, though no contractions yet.  


I also had an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid levels and a few other factors.  Again all is normal.  It was great to see him on screen again and take a look at all his parts.  The nurse was even able to point out that he had a lot of hair--WOW!  


After the NST, I had my midwife appointment.  She measured, poked and prodded.  She thought that perhaps this baby would be smaller than Elliott--for which I am grateful.  Although measuring the babe's weight in utero is highly inaccurate and more speculation that anything.  


She offered to check my cervix and I am 2 cm dilated.  I am also 75% effaced and my cervix is soft.  Since all things were in order, she offered to sweep my membranes, which I happily accepted!  If she hadn't offered I would have asked as I am ready to move forward and have this baby.  What I wasn't expecting though was how painful the process would be!  And the post cramping was horrible.  It has been 6 hours though and I already feel much better. Here is hoping that it actually brings labor on.


I am not nervous about labor or delivery--I am actually anxious and excited to get it started.  I feel confident this time around about what to expect and what my body is capable of.  I feel ready to have my body back, and will do what it takes to ensure that it is soon.  My other motivation is our hospitals new visitation policy due to the H1N1 virus--no children under 16 can visit at all.   So, I need to get in and out of the hospital fast so I can be with my boys.  I also know that I will be asking for an epidural this time around.  The fact that I feel confident enough this time around to ask for what I want/need is a change for me.  It is empowering.


I need to pack my hospital bag just in case it happens quickly.  I also would like to clear my digestive track out and possibly make some additional room.  Plus, perhaps a few days of relief for my hemorrhoids would help when the pushing parts happen.  So, in preparation I gave myself a glycerin suppository, but it didn't really do much...that isn't a good sign.  There is always tomorrow.


My next appointment is a week from today and is more of the same--NST, Ultrasound, and Midwife appt.  But, hopefully I wouldn't be needing any additional appointment.  Elliott was early--and I am hoping this one will be too!
Lots of pelvic pressure, lower back pain, braxton hicks like crazy, and a Mom that is ready.  Wish me luck!!!

The home stretch!!!!

I have been putting off writing.  I think it is because once a certain amount of time passes--it becomes too difficult to catalogue everything into one post.  I don’t want to miss anything, but there is just too much to write about without putting it in list format.  So, to catch up here is my list:

1.  The Thursday before Halloween Elliott broke his clavicle.  He ran from his room, bounced into the couch, and fell on the floor (an activity that happens daily).  He complained and cried and couldn't sleep that night.  So, when Friday morning rolled around--we decided it was best to be safe and save ourselves a possible ER visit over the holiday weekend and called the doctor.  A few hours later and his second visit to the Radiologist and they confirmed the broken collarbone.  The RX was an arm sling, OTC pain relievers and light duty.  Let me say that being 37 weeks pregnant, actively potty training, trying to keep a 2 1/2 year old on light duty and having all of your in-laws at your house for the weekend is no easy task.  A week and a half later though and he is doing fine. He is still not actively using his left arm instead choosing to let it hang limp by his side and occasionally complains of pain--he isn't holding back as much as he was.

2. Baby #2 is head down and in position.  I can feel this intensely as the pain and pelvic pressure this last week is almost unbearable.  As I sit here and type I have a heating pad placed between my legs trying to ease some of the pain and discomfort.  Each time I get up, move or attempt to walk I am faced with a sharp pain.  This morning I tried to roll over in my sleep—only to wake myself up from a nice slumber with a jolting pain.  I feel lucky that I have felt so good for so long, but this certainly makes up for it.  I can only hope that this is my bodies way of saying that it is more ready to deliver this baby vaginally than the last go round.  If I could predict—I would say I am going to go into labor sometime next week.

3.  I went ahead and scheduled the remainder of my doctor’s appointments through 41 weeks.  Because I am ‘advanced maternal age’ I also have to start non-stress tests at 38 weeks—so I scheduled those as well.  All of the babies clothes are washed, the co-sleeper is set up, the swing is ready, the changing table is back in place, the infant car seat is installed in my car—the only thing I need is to pack my hospital bag and get newborn diapers.  I figure that I can do that this weekend (Saturday will be 38 weeks).  Once I buy diapers I expect to have this kiddo shortly after.  One can hope, right?

4. I am very much looking forward to having my body and self control back.  While I don’t mind hosting I am ready to have my mobility and lung capacity returned to me. Although I am not looking forward to dieting and working the 40 plus pounds I have gained off. I do long to put on a pair of my skinny jeans.

5. Our backyard remodel is almost complete!!!  The hubby has spent the greater part of the summer and fall working on it by himself.  We decided that based on the drought that San Diego has been experiencing for the last several years, and the increased cost of water that it would be best to reduce our overall consumption amount.  Our yard was a lush grassy oasis--and now it is a flagstone covered sanctuary.  Half the yard now has flagstone and some carefully placed planters.  While the other half we are trying to re-seed with low water grass.  We rid ourselves of many of the potted plants and that has also freed up space on the covered patio.  I am excited to   have the project completed, the tools and debris cleared and a new yard to enjoy. 

Milestones and updates

We have been flying under the radar these days.  Elliott was going through a nap/bedtime refusal period where he wouldn't take a nap 3 out of 4 days.  He would get up repeatedly from his bed and play with his toys, or run around the house.  When I would try and put him back in, he would cry and scream and get out again. We fought like this for 2 weeks or so.  I decided to talk with his daycare provider, who in turn spoke with Elliott. And I spoke with all of my friends with kids.

They all suggested the same thing.  Once its time to go to bed--the child needs to stay there.  No exceptions.  So, we reestablished the rules of staying in bed (with the help of our daycare provider).  Then, if he got out once, I took a stuffed animal away.  If he got out again, I put him in his pack-n-play to sleep.    Needless to say--he hated being confined to the pack-n-play and after a couple of days in there, he was back on schedule.

But, then on top of the nap strike-- he wouldn't go to bed without kicking and screaming, crying and fighting.  He was sleep deprived and was getting up in the mornings around 5 or 5:30am.  Elliott is the classic kid where sleep begets sleep--the more sleep he gets, the happier he is, and the longer he naps and sleeps in.  If his naps get cut short, or we get out of our routine for to many days--he starts to wake early, nap short, and get very cranky.

We moved his bedtime to 8pm, reestablished the naps and the bedtimes solved themselves.  During the sleepless weeks, hubby thought it would be a good time to kick the Pacifier habit as well.  His logic was--as long as none of us were sleeping, we might as well bite the bullet and make the the change.  The last time we tried to get rid of the paci--none of us slept and one of us was traumatized.  This time it was an easy transition, and we haven't looked back.  There was hardly any talk of its absence.  WooT!  Three cheers for something good coming out of 2 weeks of struggle!

While both the hubby and I are careful planners with some things...others things we are more whimsical about.  Deciding that NOW was the time to start potty training/learning was one of those whims for me.  Let me explain--we have been practicing the potty for about 4 months.  Sometimes he would use it while other times he declined.  The challenge was that he would only pee standing up--which was a mess to say the least.  Monday, after I picked him up from daycare I decided that we should start training him the next day.  I put all the diapers away, moved the changing table mat to our bedroom in prep for baby #2, and repacked the diaper bags with pull ups and changes of clothes.

Tuesday morning we told Elliott what to expect, put a pull up on him, and set the timer for 35 minute intervals.  We also went and bought a new potty chair because ours sucked.  I LOVE the new chair because it is easy to clean, sturdy, and he actually will sit on this one.  Elliott seams to like it because he can sit easily on it and not spray pee all over the place and he can empty to bowl into the big potty.  So, we have established a sitting only rule for the potty--and have had great success these last 2 days.  We have handed out many stickers and M and M's, cleaned up a few messes from diaper free time and my back is killing me from leaning over and squatting in the bathroom.  But, today he pooped in the potty for the first time; which I think took him by surprise because he looked totally shocked when he saw what was in the bowl.  And he seemed kinda nervous about what had just happened.  We also have taken him into public restrooms to pee yesterday and today and he seems fine with using public bathrooms.  Although I am still learning the best way to handle his penis spraying pee all of the place...All and all I think we are well on our way.

Nothing new to report on the pregnancy front--32 week appointment was uneventful.  Baby #2 is doing fine, he was head down yesterday as far as she could tell, his heart rate is normal.  In 2 weeks I go back and if the midwife isn't 100% certain of his position--she will do a quick ultrasound to confirm.  I told her that I was certain he can still move around as sometimes he has the hiccups and I can feel them in my ribs and sometimes  I feel them in my pelvis.

The emotionless pregnancy update

30 weeks down, working on 31 weeks.  Went to my midwife appointment today, where I learned that I was not immune to Chicken Pox any longer--so if you have it, or have been exposed to it, or Shingles-please stay away.  I need to be vaccinated again, but not until after I have the baby.  Sorry Mom, no contact till after this kid is born.

I am also slighly anemic.  Iron levels should be greater than 10, and mine are around 11.  She recommended taking a liquid Iron supplement that is easy on the tummy and doesn't cause additional constipation.  I will try eating more Iron Rich foods first since the supplement is $30 for a small bottle.  I do wonder if the slight anemia isn't the reason why I have fallen asleep reading my son books a couple of times.  I chalked it up to general pregnancy fatigue.

The kiddo is still in the breech position. We still have several weeks before any action needs to be taken or decisions made. But, I suspect that he will be staying in this spot.  Which, BTW, is painful.  Every time this kid moves it feels like my innards are going to be punctured.  I feel like he could just poke his foot out of my vagina (or worse, use your imagination)--it is that close and odd feeling.  And this kid moves ALL THE TIME.

I actually am having some real anxiety about the energy levels of this kid.  I keep hearing that children's behavior in utero is an indication of their energy levels later.  If that is the case, then I am in for a seriously HIGH energy child.  I know that I am being preemptive as well as paranoid.  But, Elliott was and still is a chill kiddo, and we are grateful each and every day for it.  The hubby and I joked (we don't joke any longer--now we look grim with despair) that our second kid would be a ball of energy coupled with an irrational/emotional streak.  More on that later of course.

Other than that, all is well.  According to the scale I didn't gain any weight.  But again, it was a different scale. I was able to get a flu shot, and the H1N1 vaccine will be available in October (for which I will qualify because I am prego).  Elliott is doing fantastic.  He is a wonderful person to be around, and I am trying to savor each day we get to spend with one another before our second son is born.

28 weeks and counting

To add to my current list of anxiety and worry, I can now add a breech baby to my list.  Thank you Anon commenter--I know I should relax and enjoy and stress less -- you advice is well received and much appreciated!  I am doing much better at taking things in stride the last couple of weeks.  


I went to my 28 week Midwife appointment yesterday. On my list of things to discuss with her were my 2nd trimester bout of the blues, constipation, and when babies get into the head down position (34 weeks or so).


You see, I had a strong feeling in my stomach (pun intended) that this little guy was facing the wrong way.  She checked him, and he indeed is head up.  Of course, there is PLENTY of time for him to turn and face down.  But, from my day to day experiences with him--he seems to like being head up.  


This is one active baby though, and most days he is alert and moving like crazy from 4-11pm.  The midwife thought that perhaps the placental positioning was causing me to feel more movement that usual.  But, alas--its anterior which typically allows you to feel less movement.  


I am grateful that the wee one allows me to sleep very well, most nights I only wake to pee once.  My overall comfort level lately is good.  I attribute the additional comfort to the wide variety of yoga pants that I have recently acquired and wear on a daily basis without shame.  And the ever growing pillow palace I sleep with.  My back is starting to feel the pressure of the added weight, but I am hoping to continue to do Yoga and Stroller Strides to help alleviate my aches and pains.


I passed both of my glucose tests, so I can rest easy that I won't have to struggle with gestational diabetes.  The only test left is the Beta-Strep.  And now we move onto appointments every 2 weeks with the midwife.  

3rd trimester jitters

I have just been hit by the wave.  The wave of realization that I am now, today, in my third trimester.  I am 28 weeks pregnant and in just a few weeks (I am counting on only 10 more weeks--not a day longer), I will be holding my wonderful new son in my arms.  I am relying on the fact that Elliott was 10 days early, and the rate this one is growing and moving should bring him sooner rather than later as well.

The parenting part, while daunting in its uncertainty, doesn't worry me.  I know that things will work out as they should.  The gear planning part is what I  was initially worried about. When should I put the car seat in? When should I start washing and organizing his clothes. Should I buy diapers now or later? What should I do to prepare Elliott for his arrival? What about the dog and cat?

I am also worried about who will take care of Elliott when I go into labor, or worse if I end up having to have another C-section.  We don't have any family in San Diego, and my family rarely, if ever, comes to visit.  The closest family we have is 3 hours away.  What if I go into labor at night while he is sleeping--who do we call?

What do most people do in this situation?  I struggle with the issue of asking for help.  I have a large network of friends, but most have small children of their own, as well as careers to think about. I also have 2 friends that are pregnant at the same time as I am -- one is due 5 weeks before me and the other is due 5 weeks after.  I cant ask them--they have enough to worry about. I also wouldn't want to leave Elliott with someone he barely knows, particularly during such a transitory time in his life.

I have mentioned in previous posts how very small our house is.  Being just 2 bedrooms/1 bathroom and 1000 sq feet--having people stay here is a logistical challenge.  And this applies spatially as well as personally for me.  When there are things in my life that I can not control (a new baby, sleeplessness, a stir crazy toddler, things our of place, etc.), I struggle to ensure order around me-and that usually starts with my home. Often times this is an endless hopeless battle, but I still will try to fight it.

So many of the little details are now upon me.  I need to start making decisions, rather than just pondering the what if's.  Any suggestions or advice is welcome.  De-lurk and add a comment!

20 week check up

I feel depressed and ugly.

I feel like shit about myself.

And my self esteem is in the toilet.

Yesterday was my 20 week appointment, and instead of being excited about my baby being healthy and hearing his heartbeat. I feel this way instead. I am selfish and self-absorbed.

The nurse who weighed me wrote my weight down as 10 pounds less than it actually was. I asked the midwife, and she was like, oh I thought you lost a pound. I said, crap...that means I actually gained 9 pounds, and she was like, uh-huh.

Granted, I weighed in on a different scale than I have been. And i had just eaten at Soup Plantation. But, come on... I thought I was eating well, with some small exceptions.

Except that my clothes are all fitting tight, especially in the legs and bum. Not in the belly where the weight should be accumulating.

I feel especially self conscious because I am close friends with 2 prego gals who both look great. And when I go to my Stroller Strides group, there are 3 more prego gals who look awesome. And then all of the postpartum moms who have rockin bods...

Ok, my bitch fest is over. Now, I am off to work out and hopefully feel better.

16 week check-up and related rants

Yesterday was my 16 week Midwife appointment. Not much to report really-the baby is growing, the heart rate is normal, I feel good.

The only downsides were that since my last visit I gained 8 lbs and there was blood in my urine. If my blood pressure was elevated, it could be an early sign of pre-eclampsia, but since my BP was 100/50 it is likely an a-symptomatic UTI. They will send the urine to the lab, and have results back on Friday. If I have a UTI, its a 7 or 10 day cycle of antibiotics and then back to normal.

As for the weight gain...well, I didn't want to gain 8 pounds in 5 weeks. But, it was not really a surprise given the amount of food I have been eating. Since the morning sickness has subsided I have been eating a more diverse list of foods (including sweets, which made me sick during the first trimester). This seems typical for this stage of my pregnancy, given the weight gain at a similar time the last go round.

On a separate but similar note, UCSD Medical Center has left a bad taste in my mouth after our horrible experience in the ER with Elliott 2 weeks ago. I didn't write about it, because I was so traumatized about the event that I really just wanted it to disappear from my memory. It has not disappeared, and inversely has become poisonous and is tainting my feelings about the care I receive. I wrote a letter identifying my reasons for feeling this way and sent it to UCSD, but have yet to hear anything. If I wasn't already in my second trimester, I would consider switching hospitals.

As it stands now, I am going to attempt to switch from Hillcrest to La Jolla. The facilities in La Jolla are newer and more up to date. The people are friendlier and appear more sanitary (both the staff and the patients) and it is only 10 minutes farther for us to drive. Plus, the couple times I have been there so far were WAY better than Hillcrest.

Oh, and did I mention that we changed insurance earlier this year? We were on an HMO plan for the last 6 years that was great. But, with the new plans being offered we had to choose a PPO as they were the only plan that accepted UCSD. I have never been on a PPO plan, but our CPA/Tax Planner gave us a fancy spreadsheet that demonstrated the company and personal savings we would encounter if we switched to the PPO. The PPO plan comes with an HSA account, and we are dumping the monthly cost savings from the old HMO plan into the new HSA account. All was fine until I realized that maternity care wasn't covered until we reach our deductible (which BTW is $6000!!!!). I clearly should have taken more time to read and research this decision. I feel jilted.

Oh, and throw in an ER visit and a couple of X-rays for Elliott when he fell off the curb and couldn't walk for 2 days and, well...we should be reaching our deductible soon (very soon). Just the preliminary blood tests alone from my first Midwife visit were $2000 (and that already includes the preferred discount). I had an Ultrasound for dating (purely elective on my part) and it cost $900, and the US tech was a cold hearted bitch with zero bedside manner. Add all of this in with my negative feelings towards UCSD and to the HUGE amount of money we will be paying out of pocket (for horrible care) and I am left feeling bitter and nervous.

14 week update

Now that my morning sickness is gone (for the most part), this pregnancy seems to be moving along pretty quickly!  I have now moved on to new aches and pains--the heart burn has begun, but only at night.  I have had one sleepless night due to restless leg syndrome.  I am exhausted most days--not tired, but just fatigued.  And, the worst new complaint is I feel like my back is going to give out.  It is twinge-y (is that a word?) and aches day and night.  I know that this is likely due to the baby pushing on my lower back and pelvis.  But, sheesh, already--enough.

I haven't mentioned Elliott or given any status updates on his amazing development in a LONG time. There is so much to share.  He is talking like crazy, 4 and 5 letter sentences, using I and me when he speaks about himself.  He talks about things he sees, what he wants, and makes solid decisive decisions when given a couple of options.  He knows his ABC's- both the song and he can identify most letters by sight.  He can do the same for numbers up to 10.  And can count forward and backward.  This kid has the most amazing memory for people's names.

He fell off of a small curb in Balboa Park a few weeks ago and couldn't stand on his foot or walk. So, I took him to the doctor and she wanted him to get a couple of X-rays.  We went to the X-ray place, and because I am pregnant I couldn't go in with him.  I told him the tech's name (Bryant), and said he would take good care of him and I stepped outside of the door.  The process lasted only a few minutes and then we were on our way.  I reminded Elliott to say Thank You and Bye Bye.  So, he says, "Bye Bye Bryant" and waves as we are leaving.  My mouth dropped to the floor.  This is just one short term example of this kids memory.  Amazing.   He didn't break any bones and was back walking in a couple of days, although tentatively.

Over the last few months Elliott has grown into a little boy.  All of his 18 and 24 month clothes are too small and even some of his 2T clothes are too little for his long torso.  For the first time since his birth I had to purchase clothes for him out of necessity and not desire.  

I want to post more, but I just heard my sweet boy squawk letting me know his is awake from his nap.  So, off I go to guy help my little practice the potty.  I love you my sweet, sensitive boy.  

Nuchal Translucency Screening

Yesterday was our Nuchal Translucency Ultrasound. We weren't offered this test the first time around, and they explained that this test was newer and because I will be greater than 35 when I deliver, I am at an increased risk for having a child with Down Syndrome.

The test is put under the big header of the AFP test, but it is really 4 tests and they called it a Quad Screening.  It involves 2 blood draws at different stages in the pregnancy, and an Ultrasound.  Then they combine all of the results together to give you the odds of having a baby with a life threatening disease.  The test is a screening test, but if the odds are high enough, you can opt for an Amnio to make a firm determination.

The US was exciting for me, even though they were looking for something serious.  The baby wasn't cooperating and it took them a LONG time to measure the nuchal fold.  But, that gave me more time to gaze at my baby on the screen.  The babe was moving around a ton, turning and moving its arms and legs.  It was very exciting to see.

I tried to talk the technician into telling me the sex, but she said she couldn't tell...and she said she doesn't like to be wrong.   So, we will wait another 6 or 8 weeks until we can find out.

The baby is measuring exactly on schedule.  All tests were negative so far (CF, Tay-Sachs, etc.), and our odds were so slim that the perinatolgist said not to worry at all.  

Our next appointment isn't for a few weeks, so I can relax and enjoying my growing belly for a bit.  

So long sickness

Last Friday I felt horrible. I felt the worst that I had felt since my Morning Sickness started. It started around 3pm and continued even as I slept. I woke in the middle of the night, and I was nauseous beyond belief.

Then on Friday morning, I felt better. Saturday no morning sickness, Sunday the same. And since last week I have been feeling better and better. I was hesitant at first to say that the phase was over. But, it has been a week and while I still have a twinge of nausea, I feel vastly improved. I think that Thursday was the final hormone surge before tapering off.

The sweet, metallic, hyper saliva phase is almost over also (I was beginning to wonder if that would last my entire pregnancy). I still get a yuck-o taste in my mouth if I eat dairy products, yogurt in particular, but it's minute.

My patience level is better as well. I haven't been losing my tempter as much with Elliott, and in turn he has been behaving better. It is incredible how much children can perceive from their environment.

With the loss of the morning sickness I have gained an overall feeling of fatigue. One where no matter how much sleep or rest I get I still feel tired. Most days I can power through and just get things done. But, some days it is exhausting.

I feel very happy and finally feel at peace with being pregnant. With both pregnancies it seems to have taken me about until the 12th week to get used to the idea that I am knocked up.

My appetite is still strong, but the ravenous hunger I was experiencing has mellowed out as well. At my last appointment I had only gained 1 pound so far. I suspect she is calculating wrong, but I wasnt going to tell her.

Body Image Issues-- rediscovered

I have spent my entire life trying to manage my weight.  Diet drugs when I was younger, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, exercise, and fad diets.  It wasn't until shortly before I was pregnant with Elliott that I learned how much food and how much exercise I needed to maintain my ideal weight.  I was finally free of the emotional/boredom eating roller coaster.  

When I got pregnant with Elliott I had morning sickness BAD.  Except that unlike most folks where nausea makes them avoid food--it did the opposite for me.  I ate as if every meal was my last.  I also felt hungry more often than before and I felt like a bottomless pit-never satiated. Food was constantly on my mind and I while I felt guilty for indulging, I also couldn't help myself.  

When I got married in 2005, I was at my heaviest weight to date--185 lbs approx.  I was also running with frequency, going to a personal trainer 3 mornings a week, but eating out most nights and consuming a fair amount of alcoholic beverages.  When I found out I was pregnant with Elliott 1.5 years later I was down to 165lbs.  It was my lowest *natural weight since High School.  And I say *natural because during the fen-phen (or was it phen-fen?) glory days, I was down to 145lbs.  But, that was drug induced.

After 9 months of pregnancy bliss, I had gained about 55 lbs.  I cant even write the number it is so embarrassing for me.  But, you are smart, do the math.  When I left the hospital after my C-Section, and delivering an 8 lb baby--I had only lost 6 lbs.  I was hugely bloated and swollen. 

Over the next several months to a year, I lost all the weight I had gained and then some.  I was down to a very happy 155 lbs.  I suspect that anxiety, breastfeeding, and a new lifestyle helped me shed all my pregnancy weight.  

I was able to keep it off for a bit, but when I lost my job in November and then the holidays came around...well, I gained a few pounds back--6 or so.  Then over the next few months I gained a couple more as I adjusted to being home full time.  And well, then I discovered I was pregnant again.   Which is ironic since I was exactly the same weight that I was when I got pregnant the first time.

You may be wondering why I just disclosed my weight loss and gain yo-yo.  You may be thinking, isn't this type of thing you are supposed to keep to yourself?  Well, I want to be up front (mostly to myself and so when I look back I have it in writing) about the fact that I am likely going to gain a substantial amount of weight while pregnant.  But, hopefully, I will again be able to lose it like I did the first time around.  This is my mental prep for coming to terms with my new body.

I have already gained 5 lbs and I am only 11 weeks.  I am listening to my body, and it is saying I am hungry--so I eat.  The kicker is that I am choosing foods that are not the best for my body or my growing baby.  I know this in my head, but I cant reason with my hormones--they always win.  

And so it begins again...the power struggle.  The best thing for me to do is just let go and hope that it turns out the way it should.  Wish me luck.  

**the photo is at 11 weeks pregnant

1st Trimester times two

I haven't been writing much lately.  I have been trying to keep my head above water with parenting combined with morning sickness, coupled with fatigue.  I have a tremendous amount of respect for parents of multiple children.  

All in all, I feel far better than I did the first go round.  Most days I wake up feeling good, and as the day progresses I start to feel worse.  By the time evening rolls around I am wishing to be horizontal.

You always hear people say how each of their pregnancies are different.  But, for me, until I experience something I can't relate.  Well, I am here to report that this pregnancy is very different from my first one.  I know that each pregnancy is different, but there are some glaring differences for me.  With Elliott I had heartburn every day--I ate thousands of tums throughout the months.  Post-pregnancy, I could barely eat a tum without gaging.  But, this time around I hardly have any heartburn at all.  With Elliott I had to avoid juice, carbonated beverages, spicy foods, coffee, even the smell of red wine--however, not this time around.  I feel like I can eat whatever and not have to worry about getting heartburn.

I am also not yet experiencing the constipation I did the first time.  I suspect it is because I opted out of the pre-natal vitamins.  Instead I am taking the gummi-vites that Trader Joes sells. They seem much easier to digest and my system tolerates them better.

The morning sickness, while present, is NOTHING like it was with Elliott.  It is manageable, and not ruining my life.  My appetite is also different.  I felt insatiably hungry with Elliott, and this time around I feel particularly hungry. The difference is with Elliott I ate everything I could get my hands on, and this time around I want specific things.  

I also feel like I am showing already (picture soon!)--I can still fit into my jeans but I cant button most of them comfortably. I have been slowing acquiring back all of my loaned maternity clothes and anticipate needing them sooner this time around.  Although, I am going to wear regular clothes as long as possible!!!

We are very excited about this baby, but in a vastly different way than we were with Elliott. This time around we have an idea of what to expect, and aren't as worried.  Perhaps the reduced anxiety had allowed me to feel better this time around?  Thoughts, feedback?