7 months and some perspective!

I think I found my perspective this weekend, thanks to some R&R with friends, and a long conversation with my hubby.

I realized that I can only make decisions based on what I think will happen after Elliott is born. I don't know what will happen (yikes!), never having experienced child birth, motherhood, or working full-time post delivery. I can only ask questions from those people I trust, think things through to the best of my ability, talk them over with my hubby, and then make the best decision all things considered.

I was getting so worried about making the wrong choices, and about everything being so difficult, and unfair (I am still now totally over this one) that I forgot about human limitations. I need to trust my choices (each of us has to make our own, they are all based on different factors (all equally important to that person)), and I need to know that whatever I/we decide is the best choice for that time. No guilt.

Phew, I feel a lot better about myself. My expectations are back in line, and I don't feel resentful towards hubby anymore. Its amazing how I can work myself into a frenzy.

In this post I also wanted to list things that I am feeling now that I am officially in the 7th month, at the start of the third trimester. I talk with a lot of Mommy's who forget about how it felt to be pregnant, and I want to remember (even if that means referring back to what I wrote to jog my peon and apparently shrinking brain).

1. I feel pregnant! My belly is getting larger by the day it seems. My abdomen aches, and I can feel it growing, stretching, and starting to itch.

2. I have round ligament pain. I didn't realize what this was, when my friend asked if I was experiencing it, so I said no. But, after my last Dr. appt. I asked why my groin muscles were aching like crazy for going on 4 weeks. Now, I know.

3. Standing or walking for long periods is becoming more challenging, and painful. My back hurts at the end of the day, but is manageable for now.

4. I get tired more easily, even while I am exerting less effort.

5. I don't get up in the middle of the night as often to pee, but I have to pee all day long (like 20 times a day).

6. I am frantic about nesting. Everything is 'dirty', the room isn't 'ready', and I haven't read enough about parenting, birth, or whatever decision I am struggling to make.

7. It is difficult to get up from a seated position.

8. I am THIRSTY!

9. Clothes are uncomfortable, but being naked with my round, plump body is worse! LOL.

10. I am excited about the birth of our son, and vacillate between wanting him to get here faster and having major anxiety about his eminent arrival.

out of whack

Perspective...where can I get some?

Coffee

Since I can no longer drink alcohol with the love and fervor of yesteryear, I have resorted to the next best (and equally addictive) thing...Coffee!

I have always had a love for coffee. My earliest memory is of my Mom and her girlfriend DeeAnn sitting in the living room, my Mom smoking Lark Longs, laughing over a game of backgammon. They filled up the coffee carafe with water, and brought me into the kitchen. I must have only been 4 or 5 years old. They sat me on the counter to test my strength --watching to see if I could lift the coffee carafe when it was full of water. I laugh at this memory, and how excited I was to make them happy.

I started drinking coffee when I was about 13 or 14 years old. Of course loaded up with cream and sugar (little has changed). I have switched preferences over the years varying from dry creamer and sugar, to only coffee mate, to liquid creamer, splenda, regular sugar, raw sugar, milk, half and half, flavored coffee, iced coffee, blended coffee, and now decaf coffee.

I love a good cup of regular coffee (decaf a requirement these days though). My preference is a HOT (not luke warm) vanilla latte, made with Italian Coffee. Cafe Moto is my SD favorite. Not from one of the 230 Starbucks in the SD area either, I prefer a local coffee house.

I could go to my Aunt's house, my Mother in Law's, or my Mom's house and almost be guaranteed a nice cup o'joe. It seems to be a familial trait. One that I am happy to share.

Label Maker

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Gratitude

I am going to take a lesson from my friends blog, who has designed her posts around a theme of Gratitude. I think I need to come back to basics and find my center again. I was out there in the cosmos for a while. Perhaps I need some humility (and perspective) to bring me back home again. So, in an attempt to be more grounded here is my list.

I am grateful for many things today (these are in no particular order):

1. a healthy pregnancy
2. an easy conception (as many of my friends are struggling, and I cant imagine my personality type would fare well with that)
3. enough money so that the early transition from DINKS to parents has been low impact on the budget (so far!)
4. supportive, loving and very generous friends and family
5. a great employer (who I am hopeful will approve my maternity plan in its entirety)
6. a funny, smart sometimes too hard working husband
7. a house just big enough to accommodate all 3 of us, and a dog and a cat
8. a huge back yard, that our son will love to play in
9. urban living-something both hubby and I didn't experience growing up in the burbs
10. good health care (for all its draw backs and complaints)