There has been so much on my mind lately that I cant keep up with the mind race.
The state of the economy is my primary worry. But, so many other things are swirling around in my brain.
I am trying to keep up with all of the blogs I read. And I am especially moved by 2pinklines recent posts. Please visit and send her a heartfelt cyber hug. Sometimes life dishes out bounty and love in divided and complicated ways.
I have been trying to get pregnant for several months. I keep trying to convince myself that when it happens--that I will realize that the time was perfect. And until then...the time just wasn't right. But, every month that passes where I am not pregnant is small, temporary blow to my psyche. My personalty is such that--once I get something in my mind, there is not a way for me to let it go. I get fixated on the results, blinded often. Waiting for something like a positive pregnancy test month after month is not something that digests well with me. It doesn't fit into my "I want it now" mindset. It does force me to be patient, to trust the universe, and to keep looking towards the future. Darn you- logical mind.
I spoke with a girlfriend yesterday who has a new baby and was reminded of how steep the learning curve was in the early months and continues to be. My girlfriend was worried that her baby wasn't sleeping as much as she should (all her other friends infants sleep longer or through the night), she was worried about her milk supply (was she producing enough, is her baby eating enough), about all of the decisions and responsibilities you inherit with parenthood. All of the normal new parent worries couched with a lack of sleep and impaired decision making abilities as a result. The part that made me the most sad was that as Mom's we should be supporting other Mom's, we should be helping them, we should be closer and more accepting. I am saddened by how often new moms are uncertain of themselves (myself as the primary example). It feels like we lack a fundamental piece in the parenting equation--confidence. I don't know if this is something that is inherent in people who grow up around babies and younger siblings or if you just need to grow into your roll as a parent. What I hang onto is advise that a good friend of mine gave me that went something like this--The great part about parenting is that if you are informed and your decisions are made with love—there are no wrong ones for you or your family. If only we could all digest and live this in the early months.